


Sanity is overrated.

by LezzieKat5



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Can we make that a tag, Fluff and Crack, Harry Potter is a Little Shit, Hermione Granger is a Good Friend, Other, We love Luna, disco in the Great Hall, it's time for coffee., mafia squirrels, magic pointy death sticks, not very good though, that should be a proper tag, wake up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:28:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23890834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LezzieKat5/pseuds/LezzieKat5
Summary: This is just going to be a series of one shots or short stories that pop into my mind in the depths of boredom. If you want a story, comment. I can write whatever! (Hopefully)
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Harry Potter/Ron Weasley
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. I'm immortal, and so is my spouse!

**Author's Note:**

> Heheheheheh. In this one, the entire Golden Trio can't die. Also they are in a polyamory relationship because I love these guys.

"So, we can't die."

" **Yep.** "

"And we are unable to hurt each other."

" **Yep.** "

" _We're also the most powerful beings in the wizarding world!_ "

" **That too, thanks 'Mione** "

"And you're telling me now because..."

" **You wanted to know why you got shot with the killing curse and survived."**

"I hate you."

_"No you don't. You love us"_

"You're right, I do. Merlin and Morgan help us"

The three grown wizards were sat in a circle in an antechamber leading off the Great Hall. It was about an hour after the battle, and the Golden Trio were just talking. they had been through such a lot, and to top it all off, they had been visited by Mother Magic herself. 

"You three are important, or something, and there are prophesies. Congratulations! Your immortal and also can control more magic. You don't need wands anymore." Hecate had not been the impressive Goddess they had been told to expect, but the three were now apparently super powerful. Ron demonstrated this by fixing Hogwarts single-handedly, while Hermione fixed the wards. Harry just sat between them and smiled, they each had a Hallow.

Ron had the Stone, Hermione had the wand, (not that she needed to use it, apparently), and Harry had the cloak. He apparated them to the Gryffindor tower, where there was a room waiting for them. There was one bed in their chambers, Hogwarts knew of their unorthodox relationship, and the all collapsed, and fell asleep.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Ten Years Later

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Harry Potter wasn't just the Boy Who Lived.

Hermione Granger wasn't just the Smartest Witch Of Her Age.

Ron Weasley wasn't just Harry Potter's Best Friend.

They were all immortal, intelligent, and dating each other. They also were living inside Mt. Everest, with a bunch of magical creatures, just because they were those sort of people. In a few years they would return to the wizarding world, having created cures for most of the illnesses that wizards couldn't avoid. Then, they would maybe teach for a decade or so. But for now, they were perfectly happy, following Newt Scamanders footprints, with the help of Luna, Neville, and a few others. 


	2. Don't trust the squirrels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> exactly what it says on the label.

"Why are there always squirrels whenever I go outside?"

Ron and Hermione groaned. This was another inane question from Harry, who was convinced that animals were part of a giant conspiracy to take over the world. It had started when Draco had asked what the Bourgeoisie were.

Seamus walked in and shouted, "All of the birds died in 1986 due to Reagan killing them and replacing them with spies that are now watching us to this very day. All the birds work for the bourgeoisie don't'cha know." He then walked out of the chaos that he'd created, leaving only a smoking rug behind.

Harry's paranoia had led to an influx of illegal animagi being found, but there were still no robot birds. "I think that it's a mafia. The squirrels are behind it, because nobody suspects those cute little murders." He then went for a walk in the Forbidden Forest, shouting at the wildlife, Neville trailing behind.

"Am I mad?" Nobody answered, "I think I am because the author can't write proper stories. It's strange, because I'm pretty sure that Draco wasn't our friend in school, but we all just ignored that fact."

The small tree mammals watched the boy wander around, with his friend behind him, and smiled to themselves. They had succeeded in making the writer of this story, and the characters in it, feel vaguely uncomfortably around squirrels. Mission success. Now all they had to do was enslave those pesky animals that kept barking at them. 


	3. Untraceable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a silly thing that popped into my head.

"So, Miss Granger, you're saying that a tall, black haired boy, with green eyes and a scar on his forehead, apparated next to the victim, stabbed him with a sharpened wand, and ran away."  
"That is correct."  
"I'm afraid that we can't do anything. It could have been anyone. there were no spells cast, and so they can't be traced." The Auror wrote a few sentences in his notebook, and walked away.  
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
"I told you it'd work, 'Mione." A tall black haired boy, with green eyes and a scar on his forehead was leaning against the kitchen counter, sharpening a piece of wood, and polishing it. His best friend sighed, she was stuck between exasperation, and amusement, simply because the best hit-wizard of the decade, was the only one who thought that it was a good idea to stake people in the heart, with a wand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, they feed my soul. Also, is this a thing that should be carried on, or should I just leave this a single story. `\\_(OvO)_/'  
> Any requests for stories? I'd love to know.


	4. Probably a cliche but we love the muggleborns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write one of these since I read about Malfoy getting Rickrolled. That was funny. hehe.

It was just a normal day at Hogwarts, Professor Dumbledore was wearing neon orange robes with sparkly blue unicorns, Malfoy and Potter were staring at each other across the Great Hall ( _they were ' **the most shipped people in Hogwarts** 'and there was a huge betting pool as to when they would start dating_.), the Ravenclaws were reading, and the sixth and seventh year Hufflepuffs were nowhere to be seen. But that was normal for a Saturday, Professor Sprout had received a large box of 'herbal remedies' on Friday night, and so their absence was ignored, as were the peculiar happenings in the ROR on weekends.

But then, as the final stragglers wandered into the Hall for dinner, a Gryffindor stood up and shouted, **"This is for all you muggleborns out there!"**

Loud music started playing, with a distinctive tune. _Stomp stomp, clap. Stomp stomp, clap._

"Buddy, you're a boy, make a big noise, playing in the street, gonna be a big man some day!"

Harry jumped onto the table with his wand in hand like a microphone, "You got mud on ya' face!"

Hermione Granger stood next to him, "Big disgrace! Kicking yo' can all over the place!"

All of the muggleborns and half bloods shouted, " **We will, we will, ROCK YOU! We will, we will, ROCK YOU"**

The purebloods were stunned, some joining in with the beat, others looking like they'd been slapped in the face with a rubber pineapple.

Then, the rest of the Slytherins started singing Saturday Night, and the entire school, bar the sixth and seventh year Hufflepuffs (who were still in the Room of Requirement, high as fuck) had an impromptu disco, where _**finally**_ all of the 'Drarry' shippers got their dream, as Harry Potter walked over to slytherin, turned Draco Malfoy's hair blue, and snogged him on the Slytherin table.

Luna Lovegood smiled, compulsion charms were a wonderful thing. she would win those bets now.


	5. Nagini

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just saw this meme, and figured that It'd be funny to write a chapter. I like the idea of a Voldemort witness.

It was just a normal day in Hogsmede. There were no students to bother them, and no annoying salesmen to suggest that their shops were inadaquate.

There was, however, a rather large snake, going door to door, with a hooded figure in a bone white mask.They went up to a door, knocked, and asked, "Do you have a minute to talk about our Lord and Saviour, Lord Voldemort?"

Usually, the occupants of the house would scream, and slam the door shut, but occasionally, some would listen. By the end of the day, there were several new converts to the Death Eaters.

" _I told you that making it a religion would work."_ Nagini hissed. " _We now have the right to preach, and convert people."_

And that is how the Death Eaters took over the world. 


	6. caffeine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this happened the other day, and I wanted to rewrite it as a fic.

Harry was jittery. He had been since he'd woken up, stumbled downstairs, and had been handed a mug of coffee by Ron, not realising that it was **extremely** strongly caffeinated. So far he'd walked into the table six times, tripped over his own feet twice and almost dropped the milk. Finally, Hermione had enough.

"Every time you walk into, drop, or otherwise fumble something, I am going to remove your coffee privileges for two weeks. And you can't earn them back."

By the end of the day, he'd lost four years of coffee, and would have to survive on tea until he was 26. That was when he kicked the two out of Grimmauld Place, and bought a proper coffee machine, making up for all of the cheap decaf lying around.


End file.
